I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
