I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
