Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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