I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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