Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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