I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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