Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
