Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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