Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
