well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
