I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
