yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
