I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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