i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
