His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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