I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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