So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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