remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
