I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
