I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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