So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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