On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
