Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
