I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
