i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
