She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
