next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
