he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
