I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Drunk is a universal language darling
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
