I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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