there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
