We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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