ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
