After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
