As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
