Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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