I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
