brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
