Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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