How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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