I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize