We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
