Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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