how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
