I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My bed smells like the plague
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
