Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
