OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
