hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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