His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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