Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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