there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
