I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
