i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
