I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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