Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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