when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
