So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
