so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
