You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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