I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
