She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
