I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
