is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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